If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, please let my life speak to you. Darlene at first thought she had “made a mistake,” yet the Bible makes it very clear that it is God who opens and shuts the womb.
Despite the ill-timed circumstances and the lustful impulses of youth, I am not an accident! God purposed me from the foundation of the world. The fruit of my life, the people I have been able to influence by the grace of God, is testimony to that fact.
The child in your womb is fearfully and wonderfully made. God Himself has taken special care to fashion your unique, never-to-be-repeated child. King David marveled in Psalms that “all the days of my life were in your book before there were any” (Psalm 139).
Since He deliberately opened your womb for this particular child, don’t you think that He will also give you all you need to walk successfully through the days ahead? Notice I didn’t say easily. But the Holy Spirit, God’s presence working in the earth today, is willing to “roll up His sleeves” and walk beside you.
Take the time to examine all your options, and use wise counsel to help you consider all the implications of the decisions presented to you. My daddy used to say, “Don’t make a life-time decision based on a short-term emotion.”
Of course, you want to do everything possible to keep your child. Crisis Pregnancy Centers can put you in touch with many medical, legal, and benevolent organizations that can help you prepare for motherhood and beyond--such as career training and daycare.
Nevertheless, the long-term responsibility for raising a child can be overwhelming. If you are not ready emotionally--if you are lacking in the necessary support--I urge you to consider adoption.
Most birth mothers who choose adoption today are likely to be in their 20’s. Many have just left home for college or started careers; some already have children, but they are single and unemployed or the father has abandoned the family.
Statistics reveal that 90% of birth mothers today choose the adoptive parents and meet them; others choose the parents from a profile. Unlike earlier Closed Adoptions, the social stigma no longer exists to validate its continuance, except in rare cases. Open Adoptions, on the other hand, respect the dignity and choices of both the natural and adoptive parent(s).
Currently, only a few states legally enforce contracts between parties as to how involved the birth mother will be in the child’s life, but I believe such an agreement is still important. Most families will honor them; there are dedicated people lobbying for reform and more states are destined to change their laws.
You should be able to make your decision being fully informed and free of financial coercion. Many states offer a waiting period; only a handful of those have periods longer than three days. Some states have a revocation period of three to thirty days in which the natural parent can revoke her decision. Again, research shows the birth mother is favored.
The highest-profile cases of overturned adoptions come from birth father’s rights being circumvented or violated. If possible, the birth father needs to be notified of the pending adoption. His biological contributions to the child’s overall health need to be a matter of record, too.
Not being able to know the child’s whereabouts and information about them as they grow is recognized by professionals as the number one cause of grief and emotional disturbances in natural parents. The “what if’s” can consume your thoughts since you will be separated from your child during his or her formative years.
I can assure you,however, that those who raise children experience the same feelings. They wonder, too, if they will always be able to protect them, and feel guilty when an accident or incident could have been avoided by better choices and closer supervision.
No parent is perfect—natural or adoptive. But getting to know the family as much as possible before the delivery of your child, having a separate attorney, and frankly discussing and making a contract that clearly states the degree of information and involvement you want is important to your well being.
Misuse should not lead to disuse. Adoptive parents have suffered, too. Fifty percent of all birth mothers engaged in the adoption process through an agency drop out before delivery. Adoptive parents must also prepare themselves for a possible revocation afterward, which is the natural mother’s right.
Many couples have also been taken advantage of financially in privately arranged adoptions by unscrupulous birth parents. That’s why licensed, reputable organizations exist to mediate the process from start to finish for all parties. Investigate! Research! Start early and take your time. Keep a broader perspective as to what’s best for ALL--the baby, the adoptive parents and you.
“…A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12b
If you just want to talk confidentially with someone to sort out your feelings and options without judgment and coercion, call Option Line's 24-hour Pregnancy Hotline.
You can also visit their website for complete, accurate information regarding abortion procedures, the morning after pill, and organizations in your city that can help you medically and financially.
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Bethany Christian Services is one of the oldest and most respected organizations of its kind in the world, offering comprehensive, compassionate services such as pregnancy testing, counseling, practical help through the pregnancy and adoption counseling and placement, if chosen by the natural mother.
Bethany has centers all over the US, and can put you in touch locally. Their website features specific forums for and blogs by women who are facing unplanned pregnancies, considering adoption placement, and wanting to adopt. All services are free.
Bethany has centers all over the US, and can put you in touch locally. Their website features specific forums for and blogs by women who are facing unplanned pregnancies, considering adoption placement, and wanting to adopt. All services are free.
Drop in on the Bethany website or call 1-800-BETHANY
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Birthright International is also a well-respected Catholic organization that offers hotline counseling and referrals. They assist women in distressed pregnancies--regardless of religion--with legal, medical, educational, housing, clothing referrals and much more.
Get acquainted with the Birthright website or call 1-800-550-4900
I'd like to keep expanding this list with links to well-established, national organizations that offer comprehensive, free services to women with unplanned pregnancies...particularly those that are committed long-term to helping the natural mother emerge into a productive, self-sustaining life.
Please send me your contacts!
Please send me your contacts!